Many years ago I watched “A Life Apart: Hasidism in America”, a documentary about the history and culture of Ultra Orthodox Jews. Full of beautiful stories, there is a scene that has long stayed with me. In it, a young boy celebrates his third birthday with an Upsherin ceremony. He has his first ever haircut and begins to learn the Hebrew alphabet. Wrapped in a tallit (prayer shawl), his father and family carry him to his brand new school. Hasidim believe that when one embarks on a holy quest, the forces of impurity do their utmost to interfere. The boy, who is about to begin his religious education, is wrapped in a prayer shawl for protection.
The forces of impurity do their best to interfere.
When my husband and I learned we wouldn’t be able to conceive another child, we decided to adopt. Our oldest was six and we desperately wanted another child, it didn’t concern us how the baby came or if we shared the same gene pool.
Finding a child became our holy quest.
We let everyone know our plan because it is not unusual for someone to know someone who wants to place. We told family, friends, colleagues, anyone who was in our lives.
Then something unexpected happened. We started getting negative feedback. Those who were excited previously, started souring on our idea.
We began hearing stories about adoptions gone wrong. Kids with terrible problems. Studies that showed adopted children had psychiatric issues and attachment disorders. One relative told me about his four adopted cousins – each one of them had “turned out bad”.
The idea of adoption may have been popular, but the reality was not.
It was as if the forces of impurity were trying to dissuade us from what God had laid on our hearts. A prayer shawl would have helped, because it was all I could do to not listen to so much negativity.
Even the day we brought our beautiful son home, the most incredible day imaginable, a neighbor called over to us from his yard, shaking his head, and said:
“Hope you guys know what you are doing….”.
Well.
What we knew was God had another child for us.
If you are thinking and praying about adoption, please know there may be those who try to dissuade you out of their own fear and ignorance. The forces of impurity may attack you and fill you with doubt.
You may have to wrap yourself in a prayer shawl and listen to your own heart instead.
“If you are thinking and praying about adoption, please know there may be those who try to dissuade you out of their own fear and ignorance. The forces of impurity may attack you and fill you with doubt. You may have to wrap yourself in a prayer shawl and listen to your own heart instead.” These words really spoke to me today. I am a 36 year old single female and really want a family. I have friends who are encouraging me to do foster care or adopt. Thank you for your words. As I pray, I will keep these words in my heart!
Hi Tara, thank you for your comment. I am moved you are thinking and praying about adoption and will keep you in my prayers as well. The worst negativity came for us AFTER we had made the decision to adopt. During the discerning phase, most people were positive about the idea. And even after we brought our son home, it was painful to hear disparaging remarks. (See future post) The whole process makes you tougher and stronger which all parents need to be. You will know in your heart what you should do.
Great post! I love this idea of wrapping in a pray shawl. We lead tours to Israel and have been many times, so I love the pic! There are times, even now as my boys are teenagers I wish I could wrap them to protect them from the world.
Thank you for your comment Robyn, I understand how you feel about wrapping your sons to protect them. I feel exactly the same way.
The image is of Joseph and is from Joseph’s Heart: A Story of Adoption. It is a children’s book I wrote and illustrated about St. Joseph becoming the father of Jesus in a way he never could have imagined. In Judiasm, the shawl is worn not only to protect, but to create a holy space apart from the world for prayer. So beautiful! Oh, and how I would love to go on one of your tours to Israel. You must love going there.