A lovely woman, a mother of three once told me,”We would love to adopt, but I worry it would be really hard on our kids”.
(This is one of those cliches people say about adoption. Yes, really).
How sad I was to hear her say this. Oh, please make your kid’s life hard in some way! Please. Take them out of their comfort zone, show them how desperate and hurting some people are! It doesn’t have to be adoption; go on a mission trip, visit the chronically sick, volunteer at a homeless shelter. Something!
Have their lives inconvenienced, shaken up, and hopefully, maybe, turned upside down. Introduce them to those who are disabled or developmentally challenged. Help them to learn about suffering. Make their hearts tender towards others in need of food, clothing, or a home.
Our oldest was in kindergarten when we told him about a new baby, born that very day. We explained the baby needed a home. Immediately, our son started jumping up and down, shouting, “Let’s take him, let’s take him!” (Yes, a Proud Mom Moment). Even when the newness of his brother wore off and crying and colic set in, he was still onboard for the adventure. At least most of the time.
Having a sibling via adoption made my oldest extra protective of his younger side kick. He would stand up for his brother when some kid would taunt “Hey, your family isn’t really your family”. When a classmate said “That’s your brother? He doesn’t look anything like you!”, my oldest looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Are you serious? We look EXACTLY alike.” Would he have been as protective and loyal if his brother came the traditional way? Sure, perhaps, but I believe he was given an extra dose of compassion and sensitivity because of his brother’s adoption.
If I have any regrets, I wish I had exposed my kids to more. More poverty and desperation, more hunger and need. They volunteered at the Boys and Girls Club, Habitat for Humanity, Special Olympics, a Soup Kitchen. But looking back, we could have done more to show them the incredible suffering there is in the world.
How does puncturing a kid’s bubble make life too hard, when doing so might teach him to be compassionate? What could be a greater blessing than that?
Your sons look very handsome and happy!
Yes. This is so true. People try to protect their children too much. What are they going to do when they’re adults? They won’t be able to handle things.
A great perspective. Thanks for sharing. I think if we make life easy for our kids they won’t be ready to face the real world when they need to.
Great post! We have an adopted child, too, and she has made the lives of my biological children so much richer, even thought it’s been hard at times.
Yesterday my sixteen year old was in Sunday School, and the pastor asked the question, “Why should you do something God calls you to do, even if it’s hard?” My daughter answered that scripture is full of examples of God calling people to do things that are hard, but that He always gave them what they need to get the job done.
Our kids are going to face hard things in life. That’s a given. It’s our job as parents to prepare them to handle it well and to see the benefits of doing hard things. Great job in teaching your kids, mom!
And kudos to you Lynnae, your daughter had a wonderful answer to the pastor’s question. My hope in “making life hard” is that it will not only prepare kids for tough times but create compassionate hearts in them as well. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you for sharing this. You have such a unique perspective of the subject, and I’m grateful to you for giving that to your readers. You must be so proud of those beautiful boys!!
Hi Sarah, thank you for your kind thoughts. Just hoping to encourage others along the journey – we all need it. Glad you stopped by.